August 5, 2013

Inside Cancer Girl's Head ... Warning: It's a Very Scary Place! ;-)

I can't speak for all cancer patients going through chemotherapy or other types of cancer treatments, however I believe that what the collective 'we' ponder on any given day might be very similar. For instance ...
  • I think about my mortality. 
  • I wonder if my cancer will be gone after treatment. 
  • I ask myself, why did this happen to me. 
  • I wonder why those who I thought were friends (even family) have abandoned me during this time. 
  • In contrast, I think about my true blue pals who support me from afar no matter the distance. 
  • I question when the proverbial "they" will find a cure for this dreaded cancer plague.
  • I ask myself why I'm doing this and what if I give up treatment now verses seeing chemotherapy all the way through. 
  • I think about what I would do if my cancer comes back. 
  • I wonder why it seems that cancer is everywhere lately. 
  • I also consider how my life will be different after my treatment is over. 
Join me as I expound on a couple of my cancer musings ...

First, let me address how everyone tells me that my life will be very different after cancer. I don't doubt that for a second. I think back to other big life changing events in my life and I know it to be true. Right now I don't feel any different, but I know I'm going through an evolutionary process in my cancer cocoon each and every day. Looking back I can see how much I changed after my children were born. I changed dramatically after each of my parents died. I changed after my divorce. How can one stare down death's door step, walk away unscathed and not be changed forever! I believe these life changing events are tossed our way to grow and mold us, kinda like karmic lessons designed to advance our soul to a higher level of enlightenment. How you handle each event and how it affects your life is totally your choice and that in itself is part of the lesson too. 

And why, why, why does it seem cancer is EVERYWHERE right now? I call it the new car theory. It's like when you buy a new car, like a Acura TSX (I'm bias), and you're driving your new car down the highway or to work, and suddenly you start seeing Acura TSX's everywhere! The same goes for cancer. You sit unaffected for years and then someone you love gets cancer or worse, you get cancer. Now you're hearing something about cancer virtually everyday! Lately I've been seeing or hearing about people on the morning news or on talk shows who are fighting the good fight against one kind of cancer or another. These tear jerking stories are heartfelt, however as a patient going through the good fight, I find the majority of these stores are about those who left a major footprint in the lives of others but are no longer of this earth. That really doesn't give me motivation, Mr. Lauer. Sure I can dig for those 'survivor stories' but I know the freakishly, morbid minds of journalists and the story is always better when there is a dramatic ending. What could be more of a dramatic ending than death?  

Here is an example … it took me less than 30 seconds to pull these off twitter using the hashtag CANCER.  (BTW, follow me on twitter at
Like the many questions I ponder above, in contrast I have made choices along the way.
  • I choose to blatantly expound on LIVING with chemotherapy via my blog and eventually put my cancer behind me. 
  • I choose to take my chemotherapy and work like hell to kick cancer's ass. 
  • I choose to believe that this happened to me as a random life lesson, it's nothing that I caused. All of this will make me a stronger person in the end.
  • I choose to sever ties with those "friends" who disappeared through my treatment and never look back.
  • I choose to forever cherish those friends who have made beautifully, valiant efforts to support me in this battle from all across the country and around the world. I love you all dearly!
  • I choose to embrace all cancer fighting efforts in hopes of demolishing this evil disease. 
  • I choose to continue my fight, no matter how down trodden, weak and sick I may feel with each compounding treatment. 
  • I choose to believe that I have caught my cancer early enough and in the immortal words of Kanye West, it'll only make me harder, better, faster and stronger once my treatment is done. 
In the end, my friends,  it's all about how you deal with the cancer card you're dealt. It's your choice. This gal chooses to live life to the fullest once this bitch called cancer is behind me. Whose with me!?!


  1. I love everything about this except of course that you have cancer. Thank you and many prayers for strength and recovery and here is to kicking cancers ASS!!

    Thinking of you.....
    Brenda Vizenor

    1. Thanks Brenda!! xoxo ����

    2. As I see you everyday on FB, I like your pictures, your attitude and you!... You will beat this thing and will be a better person forever. It´s true what you say about seeing cancer everywhere as we get older death becomes a real threat, he will get us someday but always hoping for later than sooner. The best is to spiritually prepare yourself come to terms and live in peace. You will get betterÂȘ!

  2. I'm with you! I especially like that you feel, as I do, that cancer ' happens as a random life lesson'. It is just something that happens, and we just have to deal with it.

  3. Linda, What a great attitude! I would expect nothing less from you. I will keep you in my prayers as you fight the good fight. Cancer didn't know what it was doing when it took on Linda........


  4. thank you all for your complimentary comments! I do appreciate you all joining me on this journey! You really keep me motivated to do what I do. In turn I hope this blog helps those in a similar position or caregivers struggling to understand what their loved one is going through. Feel free to SHARE whenever you can. xoxo