May 2, 2013

Spiritual Reflection or Plain Ol' Over Thinking

I may have mentioned that I like to over think things. I’m not sure if that’s an A.D.D. trait or what. On my drive to work I wondered why I got cancer. There must be some deeper meaning in all this.

I was raised Catholic, however I am not a practicing Catholic. I haven’t totally denounced my upbringing, but through the years I have grown to consider myself more of a spiritual person than a religious person when it comes to my beliefs. I don’t believe one religion is better than another. In fact, I tend to embrace aspects from many religions, my own spiritual buffet if you will. I do believe in only one God, that is a given.

I do have this inherent certainty that God does not give us more than we can handle. So for some reason God feels I can handle my cancer and the impending chemotherapy. With that in mind, I wonder why I got cancer in the first place and I’m guessing, everyone who gets cancer thinks the same thing. This brings me to the second part of my belief; I am supposed to learn an important lesson from my cancer journey. I create daily laundry lists in my head of the possible lessons to learn.

In turn I wonder if I manifested this in my own life. Is it the emotional baggage I’ve carried around since childhood? Could it be the stress of a highly charged marriage and an overly demanding career that finally caught up with me? Or is really just the luck of the draw in a genetic poker game?

As you can see, this over thinking is a bitch that  I need to kick to the curb and leave along the roadside to fend for her self. My lesson today? Start meditating and clear these thoughts out of my head.

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