April 18, 2013
Dark and Twisty
I am in a dark & twisty place today. Everyone is getting under my skin, even my BFFs. I have friends that only want to talk about my cancer. A friend that warns me about eating out while I’m off work and recovering from my surgery. I have a friend that wants to dote over me as if I’m made of egg shells. Another who asks everyday when my chemo will start. I have friends that constantly tell me ‘stay positive’ to the point where I want to implode! PLEASE, don’t get me wrong, I cherish all my friends immensely and I do feel like the biggest asshole on the planet for feeling this way, but I can’t help it!! I chalk it up to stress.
In all fairness, I can’t say I know how to treat a friend with cancer either. When my BFF, Judi, was dying of colon cancer, I made a point to let her update me on her treatment and then I would fill the rest of our conversation with humorous anecdotal blather. I would make sure and discuss the future, telling her how I was making plans to visit her real soon. Sadly her untimely death came before I made it out to Colorado to see her. A painful regret I'll carry with me forever. ANYHOW, enough of my mournful reminiscing. After all these years, Judi remains in my heart and is always on my mind. I’m certain she knows that too. (Here is a TRIBUTE TO JUDI blog I made after her passing at age 47. Please visit and meet my friend with the million watt smile!)
I also want to share a link that a friend of mine added to my facebook after I posted my stage 3 cancer status update the other day. It’s a WSJ article on Conversing with the Ill. I read it and I couldn't agree more. I hope you find it equally as helpful.